Since GigglyGirl and BusyBoy are twins, we often encounter fights and disagreements that other sibling families do not have.  Then again, we encounter many of the same fights that my own (non-multiple) siblings and I had growing up. 

How can twins and multiples fight over things that are not so common with singleton siblings?  Maybe it is not so much that they are twins or multiples but that they are at the same developmental and emotional age.  Here are some examples that apparently are more unique because they’re twins: 

• Which side of the car they sit on? Whichever side Mommy is on is the preferred side. If I am driving, they want behind the driver seat. If I am the passenger, they want behind the passenger seat. What can I say, they love seeing the back of my head? Since they have the exact same car-seats, they can sit in either one.
• Who gets to walk in the front of the line? Since they have line leaders at school, they want to lead the line up the stairs at home.
• Which exit we use to leave the school parking lot? It’s weird, I know. One exit has a big hill and the other has a small hill. BusyBoy likes the big hill, Gigglygirl likes the small hill. Major arguments about this after a long morning at school have erupted in the backseat of my car.

Some arguments are things that children are going to fight over more or less no matter what.  Here are some of the common examples of regular old sibling fights:

• What tv show are they going to watch? Since we have tivo, they are able to pick from a menu of shows what they can watch at any given time.
• Who gets to play with a particular toy first? They are generally very good about sharing, even though they are only 4. Since they have had to share their entire lives, they do not know much different. However, late some afternoons after a really long day, they have lots of trouble sharing or one just wants something the other one has simply because the other one has it.
• In which park will we play? Since there are several good parks around our house at which to play, sometimes they each want to go to a different park.

So, what is a mom to do?  The bickering gets old.  It’s hard to remember who played with a particular toy last.  Since GigglyGirl is not as adamant about who sits behind Mommy in the car, BusyBoy was able to do so about 10 times more often than she was.  Every once in awhile, GigglyGirl would say, Mommy I NEVER get to sit behind you and I really want to.

Finally, I made up a system or type of rule:  “Whose Day Is It?”  Every other day it is BusyBoy’s Day.  The other days it is GigglyGirl’s Day.  When it is Your day, You get lots of privileges:

• Opportunity to ride in whichever car-seat you want
• Opportunity to pick out the television show for the day. If there is more than one show that day, you get to pick out the first show and the next show is picked out by the other person.
• Opportunity to be line leader up the stairs
• Opportunity to choose which hill to go up when we leave the school
• Opportunity to pick which park we go to
• Opportunity to say the blessing at each meal
• Opportunity to have your bedtime story read first (or last if you so choose)’
• Opportunity to use play with a toy first during a dispute until the timer goes off, if Mommy cannot tell who truly had it first

The opportunities on “My day” are very special.  I say opportunities because sometimes the opportunity does not present itself on a particular day.  It may be a Zero TV day and no one watches tv.  It may be a lazy Saturday and we may not leave the house to go on a car ride.  Also, if you are particularly misbehaving and disrespecting your parents, then you can lose the rest of your day or you can lose your next day.  That means that the other sibling gets to take over as their day for the rest of the day or if you lose your next day the other sibling gets to have their day for 3 days in a row.

This has stopped so much of the bickering in our home.  First thing in the morning, I ask whose day it is.  They tell me who had it yesterday and who has it today.  Then the privileges begin.  If I mess up and BusyBoy sits in the wrong car seat, I do not have to tell him to move because GigglyGirl will remind him it is her day.  Since it is her day, he goes ahead and moves without fighting.  If I ask GigglyGirl what show she wants to watch and it is the first show of the day, one of them will remind me that BusyBoy gets to choose because it is his day. 

What started out as an idea to stop them from fighting over the car seats has turned into a law in our home.  It is revered like calling “Shotgun” or “Double Dog Dare”. 

What do you do to end sibling arguments and rivalry in your house?  Do you think “My Day” will work in your home?  Leave comments below.  Be sure to check out what else works for me and What Works for Other’s at Rocks in My Dryer.

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