The song Butterfly Kisses by Bob Carlisle has always brought such a deep range of emotions to me when I hear it.  The emotions that it stirs in me have evolved over time.

The first time I heard the song, I had already been married for 5 years.  As I listened to the lyrics, I thought it was sweet and they reminded me of how great my father and I get along.  Then I heard the part about the wedding day:

She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said “I’m not
sure-I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl.”
She leaned over…gave me butterfly kisses with her mama there,
Sticking little white flowers all up in her hair
“Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time.”
“Does my wedding gown look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!”

This part of the song made me tear up as I remembered my own wedding day to Mr. Right with such fondness and tenderness.  My parents and I have always had a good relationship.  My mother hand stitched my wedding veil for me and I had very specific ideas about it.  The veil was as long as the train on my wedding gown and it was trimmed with lace all the way around the edge.  I wanted Mr. Right to be able to lift over my head right before he kissed me. 

On my wedding day, as my father and I were waiting in the narthex of the church for our turn to walk down the aisle, he realized that my wedding veil was not over my face and he put it over.  I almost started to cry at the tenderness of this gesture and my father said to me, “Don’t you start.  Do you know who is winning the game?”  It was very important that my father did not get choked up because after he gave me away, he finished the wedding ceremony, as he is a United Methodist minister.

As Mr. Right and I went through fertility treatments, the tears that formed in my eyes when I heard the song were tears of frustration, emptiness, and anger.  Mr.  Right and I wanted to have children so badly but it did not look like we ever would.  The song pointed out the lack of children in our life so poignantly that we were not pregnant and did not have a precious bundle of joy to hold in our arms.  When I heard the words:

Oh, with all that I’ve done wrong I must have
done something right.
To deserve your love every morning and butterfly
kisses-I couldn’t ask God for more, man this is what love is.

I would get so angry.  What did I do wrong that prevented us from having children?  Logically I knew that God does not punish people by preventing them from having children.  Emotionally, I was torn up inside and I could not handle listening to this song.  Each time it would come on the radio, I would immediately turn the station.

Today, for the first time in 6 years, I heard the song again.  Now that Mr. Right and I have BusyBoy and GigglyGirl, I decided to listen to the song again without turning the station.  The song made me cry again but this time it was tears of gratitude and love.  BusyBoy and GigglyGirl love to give butterfly kisses and eskimo kisses.  They are so sweet and I am so thankful for them.  When I heard the words:

There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here from heaven and she’s
daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks to Jesus and I close my eyes and
I thank god for all the joy in my life
Oh, but most of all
For butterfly kisses after bedtime prayer;

I knew that Mr. Right and I are so blessed and GigglyGirl is daddy’s little girl.  One day they will both be grown, married, and have families of their own.  Hopefully, they will look back on their childhood with the fondness that I do.

Thank you, God, for my parents, Mr. Right, BusyBoy, GigglyGirl, and butterfly kisses after bedtime prayers.

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